...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
