i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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