I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
