Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
