Small penises have feelings too.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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