His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
