we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
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