i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
