Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
