Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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