Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
