Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
