I am spending my child support on dildos
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
