Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
