Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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