The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
