where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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