just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
