my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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