genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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