I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wanna passion pit in your ass
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
