I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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