DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
