I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
