Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize