just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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