your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
