I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
