Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
