I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
