He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
