Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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