Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
