Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize