I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
