I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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