If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
People with herpes should wear stickers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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