so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize