my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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