i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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