We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
