she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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