Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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