I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
