soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
