do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
