I just made out with a guy for $7.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
