party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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