you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
