If i come over, it means nothing
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
