There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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