Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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