can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize