it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
