just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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