I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
