If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
