Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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