Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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