My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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