Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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