Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
