I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
