Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
