My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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