theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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