I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize