its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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